It is a beautiful day here in Paris; it is a beautiful day in every way, the weather, the moment, life, and the future that is unfolding one page at a time. It's been a dark year so far. 2009 has brought me an abundance of crises, chaos, frustrations and confusions and has until now seemed bent on continuing down this darker path. And yet as a human being I am also a slave to the very species-specific phenomena of tunnel vision. Even as a stubborn-as-sin optimist, or maybe even because of it...when things become very bad- and this is very rare for me to give in to or to admit even at the darkest hour- they are bad. 2009 has also been the year I learned a few of the most important lessons of my adult life. I learned about consequences, ego, love, and my own ability to get beyond things.

I can't believe how in love I am. How once I learned the lessons above (namely the first 3) everything I had been fighting for for the past year and a half just suddenly...arrived. Quietly, naturally, as it should always have done. I can't believe, beyond the 'in love', how wonderful companionable love could be.

I spent (spend) a long time in a state of self reflection. Something I wouldn't wish on anyone not predisposed to it, at least. I am learning to use the things I see not at rationalizations but as new open doors I just haven't noticed yet, wide open for more exploration, more questions, and a gentleness, that above all else.

Paris in springtime; life in the state of spring. Feels very complimentary. And now, to rest, and to wait (excitedly!) for my Philippe to come home early.


:)